Questions & Answers
In preparation for this pilot programme we spoke to a number of parents in Surrey and asked them what questions they had about child sexual abuse. Below are their top 16 questions. If you have a question which is not here please post us a question via the ‘blog’ page – click here.
There are approximately 33,000 convicted sex offenders in England & Wales.
Source MAPPPA: 2007
What is child sexual abuse? Top Of Page

Child sexual abuse includes touching and non-touching activity. Some examples of touching activity include:

  • touching a child's genitals or private parts for sexual pleasure
  • making a child touch someone else's genitals, play sexual games or have sex putting objects or body parts (like fingers, tongue or penis) inside the vagina, in the mouth or in the anus of a child for sexual pleasure

Some examples of non-touching activity include:

  • showing pornography to a child
  • deliberately exposing an adult's genitals to a child
  • photographing a child in sexual poses
  • encouraging a child to watch or hear sexual acts
  • inappropriately watching a child undress or use the bathroom

As well as the activities described above, there is also the serious and growing problem of people making and downloading sexual images of children on the Internet. To view child abuse images is to participate in the abuse of a child. Those who do so may also be abusing children they know. People who look at this material need help to prevent their behaviour from becoming
even more serious.
For further information click here

Why do people commit sexual abuse? Top Of Page

It is not easy to understand how seemingly ordinary people can do such things to children. Some people who sexually abuse children recognise that it is wrong and are deeply unhappy about what they are doing. Others believe their behaviour is OK and that what they do shows their love for children. Some, but not all, have been abused themselves; others come from violent or unhappy family backgrounds. Knowing why people sexually abuse children does not excuse their behaviour, but it may help us understand what is happening. If abusers face the reality of what they are doing and come forward, or if someone reports them, effective treatment programmes are available. These help people understand and control their behaviour, reducing risk to children and building a safer society. Knowing about the possibility of treatment for abusers helps children and families too.
For further information click here

How do they commit sexual abuse? Top Of Page

By getting close to children:
People who want to abuse children often build a relationship with the child and the caring adults who want to protect them. Many are good at making 'friends' with children and those who are close to them. Some may befriend parents who are facing difficulties, sometimes on their own. They may offer to baby-sit or offer support with childcare and other responsibilities. Some seek trusted positions in the community which put them in contact with children, such as childcare, schools, children's groups and sports teams. Some find places such as arcades, playgrounds, parks, swimming baths and around schools where they can get to know children.

By silencing children:
People who sexually abuse children may offer them gifts or treats, and sometimes combine these with threats about what will happen if the child says 'no' or tells someone. They may make the child afraid of being hurt physically, but more usually the threat is about what may happen if they tell, for example, the family breaking up or father going to prison. In order to keep the abuse secret the abuser will often play on the child's fear, embarrassment or guilt about what is happening, perhaps convincing them that no one will believe them. Sometimes the abuser will make the child believe that he or she enjoyed it and wanted it to happen. There may be other reasons why a child stays silent and doesn't tell. Very young or disabled children may lack the words or means of communication to let people know what is going on.
For further information click here

Who sexually abuses children? Top Of Page

There is a growing understanding that sexual abusers are likely to be people we know, and could well be people we care about; after all more than 8 out of 10 children who are sexually abused know their abuser. They are family members or friends, neighbours or babysitters - many hold responsible positions in society. Some people who abuse children have adult sexual relationships and are not solely, or even mainly, sexually interested in children. Abusers come from all classes, ethnic and religious backgrounds and may be homosexual or heterosexual. Most abusers are men, but some are women. You cannot pick out an abuser in a crowd.
For further information click here

There are approximately 500 convicted sex offenders in Surrey.
This will be fluid and changes on a weekly basis. Source: Surrey Police
Why don’t children tell? Top Of Page

In 2000 a study was conducted by the NSPCC and below are some of the reasons why children were unable to tell:

“it was nobody else’s business”
“didn’t think it was serious or wrong”
“didn’t want parents to find out”
“didn’t want friends to find out”
“didn’t want the authorities to find out”
“was frightened”
“didn’t think would be believed”
“had been threatened by abuser”

Child Maltreatment in the UK, NSPCC 2000
For further information click here

Do children sexually abuse other children? Top Of Page

We are becoming increasingly aware of the risk of sexual abuse that some adults present to our children and there is growing understanding that this risk lies mostly within families and communities. But very few people realise that other children can sometimes present a risk.
A third of those who have sexually abused a child are themselves under the age of 18.
Many children are abused by other children or young people, often older than themselves. Unless the problem is recognised and help provided, a young person who abuses other children may continue abusing as an adult.
This is an especially difficult issue to deal with, partly because it is hard for us to think of children doing such things, but also because it is not always easy to tell the difference between normal sexual exploration and abusive behaviour. Children, particularly in the younger age groups, may engage in such behaviour with no knowledge that it is wrong or abusive. For this reason, it may be more accurate to talk about sexually harmful behaviour rather than abuse.
For further information click here

Why do some children sexually abuse other children? Top Of Page

The reasons why children sexually harm others are complicated and not always obvious. Some of them have been emotionally, sexually or physically abused themselves, while others may have witnessed physical or emotional violence at home. For some children it may be a passing phase, but the harm they cause to other children can be serious and some will go on to abuse children into adulthood if they do not receive help. For this reason it is vital to seek advice and help as soon as possible.
For further information click here

What stops us seeing abuse? Top Of Page

Many people have experienced someone close to them abusing a child. When something is so difficult to think about, it is only human to find ways of denying it to ourselves. One of the common thoughts that parents in this situation have is; 'My child would have told me if they were being abused and they haven't - so it can't be happening'.
Other things people have said to themselves to deny what is happening include:
“He was the perfect father; he was involved with the children, he played with them and when our daughter was ill he looked after her so well.”
“I thought they were just fooling around. He couldn't be abusing anyone at 14.”
“My brother would never do that to a child. He has a wife and children.”
“My friend has had a longstanding relationship with a woman. So how can he be interested in boys?”
“She was their mother: how could she be abusing them?”
“He told me about his past right from the start. He wouldn't have done that if he hadn't changed and I'd know if he'd done it again.”
For further information click here

What are the signs that a child is being abused? Top Of Page

Children often show us rather than tell us that something is upsetting them. There may be many reasons for changes in their behaviour, but if we notice a combination of worrying signs it may be time to call for help or advice.
What to watch out for in children:

  • Acting out in an inappropriate sexual way with toys or objects.
  • Nightmares, sleeping problems.
  • Becoming withdrawn or very clingy.
  • Personality changes, seeming insecure.
  • Regressing to younger behaviours, e.g. bedwetting.
  • Unaccountable fear of particular places or people.
  • Outburst of anger.
  • Changes in eating habits.
  • Physical signs, such as, unexplained soreness or bruises around genitals, sexually-transmitted diseases.
  • Becoming secretive.

For further information click here

One in six children under the age of 16 experience sexual abuse.
Source NSPCC: 2000
What are the signs that an adult may be using their relationship with a child for sexual reasons? Top Of Page

The signs that an adult is using their relationship with a child for sexual reasons may not be obvious. We may feel uncomfortable about the way they play with the child, or seem always to be favouring them and creating reasons for them to be alone. There may be cause for concern about the behaviour of an adult or young person if they:

  • Refuse to allow a child sufficient privacy or to make their own decisions on personal matters.
  • Insist on physical affection such as kissing, hugging or wrestling even when the child clearly does not want it.
  • Are overly interested in the sexual development of a child or teenager.
  • Insist on time alone with a child with no interruptions.
  • Spend most of their spare time with children and have little interest in spending time with people their own age.
  • Regularly offer to baby-sit children for free or take children on overnight outings alone.
  • Buy children expensive gifts or give them money for no apparent reason.
  • Frequently walk in on children/teenagers in the bathroom.
  • Treat a particular child as a favourite, making them feel 'special' compared with others in the family.
  • Pick on a particular child.

For further information click here

How are children groomed? Top Of Page

Grooming is a word used to describe how people who want to sexually harm children and young people get close to them, and often their families, and gain their trust. They do this in all kinds of places – in the home or local neighbourhood, the child’s school, youth and sports club, the local church and the workplace.
Grooming may also occur online by people forming relationships with children and pretending to be their friend. They do this by finding out information about their potential victim and trying to establish the likelihood of the child telling. They try to find out as much as they can about the child’s family and social networks and, if they think it is ‘safe enough’, will then try to isolate their victim and may use flattery and promises of gifts, or threats and intimidation in order to achieve some control.
It is easy for ‘groomers’ to find child victims online. They generally use chatrooms which are focussed around young people’s interests. They often pretend to be younger and may even change their gender. Many give a false physical description of themselves which may bear no resemblance to their real appearance – some send pictures of other people, pretending that it is them. Groomers may also seek out potential victims by looking through personal websites such as social networking sites
mentioned earlier.
For further information click here

Are adults groomed? Top Of Page

Child sex offenders will often seek out adults and groom them in order to get access to their children. By “bonding” with adults in this way the sex offender can create a relationship either built on trust or dependency and gain access to the children through it.
For further information click here

Abusers come from all classes, racial and religious backgrounds and maybe homosexual or heterosexual. Most abusers are men, but some are women.
How do people sexually abuse and exploit children on the Internet? Top Of Page

When communicating via the internet, young people tend to become less wary and talk about things far more openly than they might when communicating face to face. Both male and female adults and some young people may use the internet to harm children. Some do this by looking at, taking/and/or distributing photographs and video images on the internet of children naked, in sexual poses and/or being sexually abused.
For further information click here

How is the grooming of children different on the Internet? Top Of Page

In many circumstances, grooming online is faster and anonymous and results in children trusting an online ‘friend’ more quickly than someone they had just met ‘face to face’. Those intent on sexually harming children can easily access information about them and they are able to hide their true identity, age and gender. People who groom children may not be restricted by time or accessibility to a child as they would in the ‘real world’.
For further information click here

Who monitors sex offenders in the community? Top Of Page

By law, the police service, the prison service and the probation service have to work together, sharing information to manage known offenders. They are supported by various other agencies, including Local Safeguarding Children Boards and the NHS, who are also required to provide information about these offenders.

How does it operate?

  • Identify who may pose a risk of harm
  • Share relevant information about them
  • Assess the nature and extent of that risk
  • Manage that risk effectively, protecting victims and reducing further harm

As part of managing the individual’s risk, it may be considered necessary for information about offenders to be disclosed directly to others by the Police in order to prevent harm, these may include new partners, landlords or school Head Teachers. Information is not disclosed to the public unless they are in a position to better monitor and manage the offender or unless they are
potentially at risk.

In Surrey, specially trained police officers are responsible for the monitoring and management of registered sex offenders; this is their sole task.
As of August 2008 there are approximately 500 registered sexual offenders in Surrey. Those registered will include offenders who have committed sexual offences against adults.

Registered sexual offenders are required to notify the police of their name, address and other personal details. The length of time an offender is required to register with police, can be any period between 12 months and life, depending on the age of the offender, the age of the victim and the nature of the offence and the sentence they receive.

What can we do if we suspect that someone we know is abusing a child? Top Of Page

It is very disturbing to suspect someone we know of sexually abusing a child,
especially if the person is a friend or a member of the family. It is so much easier to dismiss such thoughts and put them down to imagination. But it is better to talk over the situation with someone than to discover later that we were right to be worried. And remember, we are not alone. Thousands of people every year discover that someone in their family or circle of friends has abused a child. Children who are abused and their families need professional help to recover from their experience. Action can lead to abuse being prevented, and children who are being abused receiving protection and help to recover. It can also lead to the abuser getting effective treatment to stop abusing and becoming a safer member of our community. If the abuser is someone close to us, we need to get support for ourselves too.
For further information click here